


Retsudou's day off

by Schangia



Category: Kengan Omega, ケンガンアシュラ | Kengan Ashura (Anime), ケンガンアシュラ | Kengan Ashura (Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor, Laser Tag, Mild Language, Raian and Ohma being children, Retsudou hates everything but he still has to live with it, basically Retsudou being a babysitter, set somewhere between Ashura and Omega
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23889238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schangia/pseuds/Schangia
Summary: If you're the only person strong and stupid enough to rein in Raian and Ouma whenever they're close to wreaking havoc, then that also means you have to accompany them on their play date—which is exactly why Retsudou is taking them out to play laser tag.
Relationships: Katahara Retsudo & Kure Raian, Katahara Retsudo & Kure Raian & Tokita Ohma, Katahara Retsudo & Tokita Ohma, Kure Raian & Tokita Ohma
Comments: 13
Kudos: 34





	Retsudou's day off

“Tell me again why you think that's a good idea.”

The scepticism is oozing from Ouma's demand as he continues eyeing Eriou with caution. The old man might have retired from the assassination business, but he's still as dangerous as any active member of the Kure clan, if not more. During the past months, Ouma has learned that he shouldn't be messed with.

When Eriou smiles at him, he knows better than to let his guard down even for a moment.

“Why wouldn't it? It should be just the right amount of physical exercise you need at this stage of your recovery.”

Technically that was the case; it has only been a few weeks since Ouma has been allowed to spar again, lightly for now. So Reiichi (probably jokingly) suggested they go play laser tag because a new venue opened recently, just ten minutes by car from the Kure village.

Still, Ouma doesn't see the point. What the fuck is laser tag anyway?

He's just about to turn around and leave the room—he's learned the hard way that it's best to simply walk away when you can't win an argument against a Kure—when a cackle from the other side of the room catches his attention.

“What are you chickening out for, Ouma?” Raian grins at him, facial expression somewhere between glee and bloodlust. “I'm fucking down.”

Raian has been strangely quiet for the past few minutes, quiet enough for Ouma to actually forget about his presence. He's not surprised that Raian is up for another competition between them, and if he's completely honest with himself, Ouma also wants to test his strength against him. Be it an actual fight or this mysterious laser tag—he's going to beat anyone who challenges him.

“Who said I was chickening out? Let's do this,” he says, mirroring Raian's grin before nodding to Eriou and then finally turning around to leave the room.

“Can't wait to beat you to a pulp!”

Raian laughs loudly, jumping to his feet and following Ouma outside.

Silence falls over the large room as Eriou watches the two of them leave. He's just about to let out a barely suppressed sigh of annoyance when, from the corner of his eyes, he sees Hollis shuffling around uncomfortably, as if there's still something on his mind. Pulling out his cellphone with one hand, Eriou holds up his other hand to stop him from saying anything.

“I'm on it already, Hollis,” he assures him and dials the only number he knows by heart. It takes his friend not even two seconds to pick up.

“It's me, Metsudou. I need you to send over Retsudou as soon as possible. We need his help in a very important matter and time is of the essence.” Eriou waits for his reply, nodding slightly. “Of course you may ask. Raian and Ouma are going to play laser tag this afternoon, and I need Retsudou to accompany them and make sure they don't do anything stupid.”

This time he sighs audibly, running a hand through his hair. For a moment he wonders whether the strands have grown thinner ever since Ouma moved in with them, but he quickly puts that thought aside. To his left, Hollis and Reiichi—who is to blame for this disaster and, as Eriou decides on a whim, will be punished for his mistake at a later date—are already getting up, most likely to prepare for their departure.

Then he can hear Metsudou laugh into his ear, and he knows that his friend enjoys this situation a lot more than he does. Eriou forces a wry smile as he continues his explanation.

“The venue just opened and I can't be bothered to deal with rebuilding it just because Raian decided to wreck it.”

*

As soon as Retsudou enters the office, his father can sense his hesitation from the way he furrows his brows. He's a smart kid, and it doesn't often happen that he calls his son over in the middle of training with that delighted tone of voice. Retsudou certainly knows already that he won't like what Metsudou is about to suggest to him.

Or rather, what he's about to order him to do.

“I want you to take a day off and enjoy yourself,” Metsudou tells him, grin never leaving his face.

Retsudou is quick to retaliate.

“I don't need a day off.” At least not at the price it would come.

His father shakes his head at him, sighing in a way that's probably meant to make him reconsider, but it only annoys him more.

“Yes, you do, son. Your work-life balance is terrible.”

Right as Retsudou is about to ask him whose fault that might be, Takayama starts coughing as if he just choked on his own spit. While Retsudou glances at him questioningly, Metsudou doesn't even bother to turn around and look at him. Instead, he speaks on in a voice dripping with fake concern.

“I'm worried, Retsudou. You should spend some time with the few social contacts you have.”

“Then how about giving Misasa a day off too?” he tries, almost hopeful, but Metsudou simply shakes his head again.

“No, that won't do.”

Of course it won't. There goes his plan of spending his unwanted day off training with Misasa. It's not that Retsudou doesn't appreciate a day just to himself once in a while, but the grin on his father's face unsettles him. It was never a good sign, and judging by the sympathetic look Takayama is giving him, he won't be happy with the choices the old man has made for him.

“How about you go play laser tag with Tokita Ouma and the Kure boy you're so fond of?” Metsudou suggests as casually as you would offer someone a glass of water.

“I'm not fond of either of these idiots.”

“Well, that's a shame. You will still go, Retsudou. It's an order.”

Mustering up all his hard-trained self-control, Retsudou holds back all the terrible things he's about to excuse his father of. Screaming on the inside, he presses out a single question, “Why?”

The smile on his father's lips does nothing to quench his anger, but he's learned the hard way that he should keep his emotions in check even in situations like this.

“It's good for you to have friends outside your squad.”

From the way he says it, Retsudou concludes that there's nothing he can possibly do about his fate, so he just sighs heavily before raising an eyebrow at his father.

“You're doing this because I've been making sure you're following your doctor's prescriptions, right?”

The corner of Metsudou's mouth twitches; bull's eye.

“Listen, child, I won't have you tell me that I need to reduce my salt intake. Now go have fun with your friends.”

With a harsh movement of his hand, Metsudou signifies him to depart at once. Right as Retsudou is about to close the door, a thought occurs to him. Raising his voice, he adds, “And while you're at it, please explain to them that laser tag isn't a full contact sport.”

*

The moment Retsudou hears Raian scream before he can even see him, he knows that this day is going to end in a disaster. It hasn't been five minutes since he stepped out of the helicopter that dropped him off close to the laser tag venue—his father made sure that he couldn't possibly escape his own personal nightmare—, but his mood has already hit a new low.

Retsudou is most certainly not happy to be here. The closer he gets to the source of the hysterical cackling scaring away every sane person within a one-kilometre-radius, the more he can feel every fibre of his body telling him to turn around and go home again. Sadly, the helicopter has already left, and he isn't in the mood to take the train all the way back.

When he arrives at the laser tag venue, the others are already waiting for him. Next to Raian and Ouma bickering like an old couple—or threatening to kill each other, Retsudou can't really tell—he can see Hollis and Reiichi, looking like parents waiting to drop off their devil children. For a second he almost expects them to hold the two idiots on a leash just to make sure they don't run off somewhere to cause destruction.

Taking the last few steps to close up to the mismatched group, he takes a probing look at the venue. It's a lot smaller than what he expected and appears to have been a warehouse at some point. The outside is painted in bright colours and seems rather welcoming; at least for children.

Which is quite fitting, if he thinks about it properly. Despite their size and muscle mass, neither Raian nor Ouma qualify as adults in his eyes.

Retsudou nods as a way of greeting and pulls out a cigarette. He figures he'll need the nicotine.

“So,” he starts, raising an eyebrow at Hollis and Reiichi, “since you brought them here, why don't you play with them?”

“Why would we do that to ourselves? Do you think we're masochists?” Reiichi deadpans. It's only thanks to the tremendous amount of training Retsudou's been through that he doesn't throw his lighter at the Kure's head.

Trying to calm himself, he takes a deep breath. “He's your relative, not mine.”

“See? We're suffering enough already. Now take these two out for some exercise and bring them back safe, sound and tired. Mostly tired.”

Before he can fully grasp their audacity, Reiichi and Hollis have already handed him the metaphorical reins. Without bothering to say anything else, they turn around and start walking away. There are a thousand questions and accusations still on his mind, but Retsudou doesn't get the chance to utter a single one of them.

After a few steps, Hollis gives him one last look over his shoulder and adds, “Grandfather said it's also alright if you take them out for dinner before you bring them back.”

“What am I to you black-eyed bastards, their fucking babysitter?” Retsudou mutters once they're out of sight, crushing his cigarette between his fingers.

Blissfully oblivious to his inner turmoil, Ouma suddenly appears next to him, nodding approvingly before he gives Retsudou a pat on the shoulder.

“That's a good idea. Thanks for taking us out to barbecue later, Katahara Retsudou.”

“Assuming you can still chew after I'm done with you!”

Walking past the two of them, Raian laughs loudly and way too excited for Retsudou's liking before making his way towards the entrance. He can't hear Ouma's answer because he's too busy keeping his hands from shaking in anger, but on second thought it's probably better this way.

For a few moments, Retsudou considers just leaving them alone and boarding the next train back home. That, however, would only earn him more day trips with the two top contestants for Japan's Dumbest Fighter, and that's something he plans to avoid at all costs.

Sighing in resignation, Retsudou starts following Ouma and Raian inside. The ridiculous amount of extra payment Eriou has promised him over the phone after he complained to him earlier isn't nearly enough to compensate him for this mess.

*

To be fair, Retsudou has never played laser tag before, so of course he wonders why he is the one who has to tag along. Then again—and as opposed to most members of the Kure clan—, he has enough common sense to not be surprised by its rules during their briefing. And enough manners to not unnecessarily intimidate people.

The poor girl in front of them looks absolutely terrified, probably because Raian started screaming all over the place the moment he set foot into the venue. At least Ouma is mostly silent, if only because he's never seen a lot of the things on display inside the venue. While he's very attentively observing his surroundings, he's also occasionally asking mildly unsettling questions.

His favourite so far is, “So this thing shoots a laser at people, and they don't die? Isn't it useless then?”

At this point, however, Retsudou simply doesn't care about the staff any more. A few minutes ago, when Raian had been threatening random guests for no apparent reason, he already had an unpleasant talk with the manager. Nothing a handsome sum of money and a face tattoo in Japan couldn't fix, but bothersome nevertheless, even if he's allowed to smoke inside the venue now.

While he holds a decent amount of pity for the staff member tasked to instruct them, Retsudou only listens with half an ear. He's already trying to figure out a plan to not let this end in a nightmare for everyone. The most important point of that plan is already taken care of; he made sure that they had a hall to themselves.

Usually several smaller parties have to compete against each other in one hall, but since most of the people waiting for their turn are children celebrating their birthdays, the manager has been more than compliant in giving them enough space. Most guests have left already anyway because although Retsudou has been vague, he has strongly alluded to the threat posed by the two idiots.

And he's also given Eriou's number to the manager already, just in case.

Retsudou is sure neither Raian nor Ouma have actually listened to the instructions, but when the staff helps them put on the vests with the laser guns attached to them—it's immensely amusing to watch the poor girl try to make these two bundles of pure muscle fit into vests typically worn by children—, they intuitively seem to know what to do and how to handle the equipment. (Of course he doesn't bother putting on a vest himself; he's only their supervisor, after all.)

Retsudou has something akin to hope—for three glorious seconds. Then an annoying bell sounds, signalling the start of the game, and Raian runs into the maze, laughing manically and with Ouma on his heels.

He hates everything about this experience; the bad lighting making it hard to keep an eye on Raian and Ouma, the loud and poorly chosen music drowning out their footsteps, the sound the laser guns make when they fire and when they hit the target (they're different but irritating all the same).

The game lasts for about two minutes. By now, Raian has run up a small slope at the end of the hall leading to something supposed to look like a castle—it must be amazingly popular and fitting for children, but incredibly sad and tiny for a man his size—and Ouma is following close behind. He's surprisingly good at using the laser gun and has probably racked up more points than Raian.

Which isn't something he particularly cares about. Still, Retsudou decides to follow them as well, just to be on the safe side. He makes no haste and yet manages to arrive at the perfect time to witness the most pathetically childish moment he's ever seen.

“Did you just throw your gun at me?!” Ouma growls, clutching his own laser gun hard enough to break it.

Meanwhile, Raian almost manages to fall through one of the tiny windows build into the make-believe castle because he can't control his laughter. It's not the first time today Retsudou considers ramming his head into one of the obstacles placed all over the hall. Before he can follow through, however, another thought comes to his mind.

“Raian, that's against the rules. You're disqualified,” Retsudou says, loud enough to be heard over Raian's cackling, and calm enough for them to believe he didn't just come up with that excuse out of sheer despair.

The moment Raian stops laughing and just blinks at him like a lost (but very deadly) puppy is probably the best thing he's seen all day.

“Ha? What do you mean, disqualified? This fucking game has rules?”

“Yeah, they just told you about them ten minutes ago. If I remember correctly, you were running around the lobby, threatening children to hand over their birthday cakes to you.” Both impressed and satisfied with his idea, he searches his pocket for a cigarette. “Anyway, you're disqualified now, which means Ouma wins and we can finally leave.”

Without wasting any time, Retsudou turns and starts walking towards the exit. He doesn't see the grin on Ouma's face, but he can certainly hear it.

“Of course I won.”

Ouma lets go of the broken laser gun and, after ripping off his own vest and letting it drop to the ground, follows Retsudou. It's blissfully quiet for a few seconds—someone must've sensed his killing intent and turned off the music—, then Raian jumps down from the castle walls and runs after them.

“Oi, that's not fair!”

“I don't want to hear complaints from the idiot who literally just ripped off his vest and threw it at someone with the gun still attached. We're going home now,” Retsudou answers in a tone of voice that would've sent any member of the Extermination Force running home with tears in their eyes.

While Raian lets out a frustrated groan, Ouma, ever the dense glutton, puts a hand on Retsudou's shoulder to stop him. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, Retsudou expects a valid question or comment from him, but seeing as this whole day has been a nightmare so far, what's one more disappointment to add to the list?

“What about barbecue?” Ouma asks with a conviction that temporarily makes Retsudou question whether he's actually promised him anything. Then he comes back to his senses and swats away Ouma's hand from his shoulder.

“There is no fucking barbecue for misbehaving brats,” he tells him through gritted teeth, strongly considering burning down the bloody venue himself when he hears Ouma's almost offended reply.

“I'm older than you.”

“Do I look like I care? I'm taking you home now.”

With that he stomps off, trying not to think about the fact that Raian is being too quiet for anyone's good. He also can't be bothered to look back at the two idiots who, over the past few months, have become the main source of his high blood pressure, for fear that he would actually attack and try to kill them.

Three steps away from the exit, however, he gets the need to add one last comment. Retsudou stops, his hand already on the door knob, and shoots Ouma one last menacing look.

“And pay for your own damn meals if you're older than me!”


End file.
